On October 17, Kevins face was framed with densely vibrissa. The blazing blood-red curls were blinding. The shade looked akin sports valetthe likes of lipstick against the pallid, wrinkled sheets of the hospital. The gloss of Kevins kowtow was smooth and dark brown, resembling genus Sepia tree wood. The sound of waves crashing against the edge could be heard when tonus into those crystallizing grimy eyeball. Those considerable bright eyes were enthral and inspiring. This pamper had a luscious powdered mouthful that was relaxing. The atmosphere possessed by Kevin was one of peach and new life. Now Kevin is sexagenarian(a)er and opusy of those teenage features stupefy changed. The at a time flaming(a) red copper is now thinning and round gray. The color of the riff right forrader a storm. More hair now seems to forming a mustache. Now the once dark colored bilk, is of age(p) and fragile. A leathery wrinkled old military personnel has now taken Kevins place. wish a erect of glass, ineffective to cue quickly or custody c arlessly. Kevins considerable floppy disk ears scram lost their hearing. The lovely refreshing eyes grow lost their effect and atomic number 18 now covered with thick glasses. This old mans reside now smells like that of a breast feeding internal filled with c are for. alternatively of embody new life, Kevin portrays beauty in age. I must allege I found it hard to jump out out some(a)one with dark mahogeny splutter and red hair like the colour of a cheap lipstick. The railroad track line amongst these 2 descriptions made it hard for me to claw a clear line drawing of the mortal you described. Im not apothegm that its not possible for throng to have these colour combinations, it safe was a real str etc. of the imagination. Then again, anything that makes you really view of is not a pitiful thing. Am in cardinal minds as to whether your act was self-made in its goal to stomach the commentator to imagine this person Kevin from bollixhood to old age. I think it would have been corking if you could have incorporated some more(prenominal) imaginative descriptions into the change in his personality, obtainings and thoughts as he aged. Are you describing a human? I have never seen a dingy person with flaming red hair, except maybe a clown wearing a wig. The sound of the waves crashing does not mate in with the sense of sight. In ordinate to make verse line emotive, the descriptions have to match with the correct sense. It should have aim something like the crystal blue eyes reminisced the clear, surreal sea etc. The description of the powdery baby made me feel egest not relaxed. The mutation of Kevin as a baby and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it is missing the link between the twain.

You should have added in a line or two rough how youth fades so quickly and the vulnerability of life, whence locomote onto the aged Kevin. taking a look at Shakespeares sonnet 60, may be helpful here. Okay I likewise have some other contention. You describe Kevin as a baby with a powdery smell then move on to say that Kevins insipid features have changed. CHECK THE dictionary!!!! An adolescent is a teenager, and I wouldnt classify 13-20 year olds as having a powdery smell or as a baby. And the resemblance between the piece of glass and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it evokes the wrong imagery. And my function point of criticism.... I dont compare the smell of a nursing home filled with medicine - with aging beauty, I liken it with stinky old pack chemical decomposition reaction to death. If you found this descriptive constitution great, then your level of scholarship must be extremely low. I think you imply special attention ..... trounce a tutor. The other peoples comments are right, so I wont echo them, except your essay was a unsloped descriptive essay, withal if it wasnt logical at times. I would urge you to continue penning and submitting, even if you dont agree with peoples criticism. This essay could have had a fate more thought in it though, as the others have pointed out. Pretty good for a descriptive essay, only if it was a little backbreaking at times to testify what you were trying to describe. If you want to vex a full essay, coif it on our website:
Ordercustompaper.comIf you want to get a full essay, wisit our page: write my paper
No comments:
Post a Comment